Several months ago, I wrote an article for Offbeat Home about trying to make it through a yoga practice without stopping to clean up balls of cat hair floating by my face. Even though I’m still working on making peace with my occasionally fuzzy home, I still have issues meditating in the morning without glaring around the room in horror at all the papers out of place or sneaky dust piles that crept up over night. It wasn’t until this morning that I recognized this feeling as guilt. To my surprise, I feel guilty about dust, and somehow, about pretty much everything else.
Here’s my own cycle of guilt, in a nutshell: It’s dusty in here because I don’t clean enough, I don’t clean enough because I’m balancing two careers at once, I’m balancing two careers at once because my primary career has yet to be financially sustaining, it would be financially sustaining if I were more talented. The guilty accusations go round and round and round. Substitute other life issues–family trouble, relationship bumps, money issues–and you have my brain on any given day.