The Grumpy Part of the Blog Post

I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel the city is struggling today.  The 6 inches of slush aren’t helping and I’m assuming a good deal of us were up later lamenting or celebrating the Patriots catching a lucky interception.

Whatever it is though, the city is iced over, and so is my brain.  Nonetheless, I rolled out of bed at the regular time thanks to an extra few nudgy pats from Viola who must have noticed I put my morning alarm on too low a volume to hear.

I grumpily heard my landlady stomping around outside our door, who for some reason, has decided recently she no longer wants to have tenants and has been a ball of joy since.  I sit down to write my morning pages with Grumpy McGee slamming things in the hallway and my ear is pounding.  My ears haven’t been a fan of cooperating with my body for a few years now and when they act up, the room spins and it makes an odd popping sound if  someone speaks too loudly.  So if I ever give you this face:   this is why.

I haven’t found a doctor yet (or insurance that covers an ENT) that tells me anything other than, “You have an ear infection!”  To this I say, “Yes, that’s clear.  But I seem to get them every other week soooo…what’s that about?”  *shrugs shoulders, carries on being a doctor*  Good talk, Doc, here’s $200.

Anyway, ears are angry, landlord is angry, Ginny is grumpy.

10 Good Days for a Bad Day

And then I start writing, and because the universe is good, there is coffee.  I convince myself to not ignore yoga today, so Tiber and I spend a little longer in child’s pose ignoring the impending walk in the snow before attempting anything else.  As the part approaches when I normally try balance poses, I am considering skipping them altogether.  I can’t seem to move my head without feeling dizzy, so standing on one leg sounds like a recipe for falling into the coffee table.

And yet…I get there.  I put up one leg and I don’t go down like a drunk flamingo.  I feel woozy but I stay up.  I don’t know why, but my one leg under me decides to stay under me, and I actually hold the pose for a decent amount of time.  Because after one month of this, that’s just where my leg goes, even when I feel like crap.  The good days are starting to support the bad ones, much to my surprise.

Turns out, your brain likes to feel nice

I finished Dan Harris’ book this morning, the one I talked about on Saturday, and lo and behold, there was a relevant explanation.  He talks a bit about your brain’s preference to settle into a healthier pattern.  A Yale Doctor, Judson Brewer, is doing a study on Mindfulness and meditation, and their effects on the part of our brain which focuses on self-awareness.  He claims that once the mind is given a taste of something calmer, it will gravitate toward it, the same way we avoid things we dislike (say, the 6 train).  All you need to do is give your mind this option continuously.  Meditation is just one path to get there.

So here I am, NOT falling over, and I start to believe that a better morning is possible.  So I put on my big-girl rain boots, stomped my way through the slush, and made it to work in one piece.

I may not feel fantastic, but I am happy to see these slight manifestations on crappy days after giving my brain a chance on easier ones.  The sunny ones are there to support the slushy ones.

Safe travels today, everyone:)